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Debate 2012: Foreign Policy is good! Iran bad!

U.S. Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney (L) and U.S. President Barack Obama speak directly to each other during the second U.S. presidential debate in Hempstead, New York, October 16, 2012. REUTERS/Mike Segar (UNITED STATES - Tags: POLITICS ELECTIONS USA PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION)
Bring it, Iran!

Yeah, they pretty much are unified on those two points.  Oh, and the fact that we’re also not attacking Israel anytime soon.  Other than that, what did we learn about our candidates, and their view of the scary world?

Horses and Bayonets! Ha! Got ya! Stuff that in your magic underwear, fucker!

Apparently, an attack on Japan is an attack on the U.S.  Personally, I’m terrified of this policy, because you know what attacks Japan?  Giant monsters!  Can you imagine the military budget if we had to take on Godzilla?  Mecha-Godzilla must cost like a trillion bucks.  Plus, Mothra, the single greatest Godzilla deterrent, doesn’t eat grass … feeding a 500 foot god-Moth is gonna cost some serious coin, not to mention those sexy little Princesses’ coke habit.  Boo to both candidates on this one … let Japan fight it’s own creatures!

Pentagon needs more money for more … Mecha Godzillas!

Obama hates ships, and Romney hates Russia.  Not a big fan of ships myself, as I was on a cruise from hell a few years back.  Carnival something.  Food terrible, bar sub-par, pirate drills.  And Russia!   Not my cup of Vodka.  Speaking of which, those bastards can drink like nobody’s business.  Thumbs up to both.

They both hate Iran, want sanctions, yet somehow not the same sanctions, kinda, and both claim they won’t attack Iran, but you kinda get they would.  Maybe.  Especially if Israel said so.  Cause Israel calls the shots with all these cats.  Like Sinatra.   Draw.

China is ripping us off, but Mitt still likes China, while Obama not so much, as China is right under Godzilla on the list of shit likely to go after Japan … and apparently, we have to fucking defend Tokyo against everybody.  Obama on this one, as you already know my view on subsidizing Monster Island.

Romney travels better than Obama.  Guy has a good time.  Wine and dine, baby.  Life’s too short to visit war sites.  Point to the Romster.

Romney is going to bring back the 1980s.  Yes!

Romney’s Sec. of State.

Obama doesn’t understand the need for horses and bayonets.  Hello, have you seen NBC’s Revolution?  Once the grid goes off, it’s all about mounted light Calvary, versus musket armed infantry with their trusty bayonets.  Point to Romney.

Both support the military, yet neither candidate would ever serve in the military, or allow their children to serve in the military.  No joke there.  Just a fact.

Pakistan the ugly girl that both candidates slept with, but neither will admit to the shameful tryst.  Yes, tryst, because the word “sex” and Pakistan should never land in the same sentence.  Admit you banged the bitch, and move on.  Thumbs down to both.

Neither candidate gives a shit about the parameters of these debates.  Now let’s talk about Venezuela – candidates:  “Okay, he hates Detroit!”  “I love Detroit, and he hates school kids and teachers!”  Follow the rules, dudes.  Thumbs down to the old-guy moderator II.

Whose name is Bob Schieffer, and whose Mom said to go vote.  Old guy’s Mom … who has to be about 123 years old … and still believes in the electoral process.  And is an undead Lich.  A Lich that votes.

And so do I.   Go vote.  For Mothra.  Our only hope, since we’re now at war with a lot of crazy shit that only a crazier giant god-Moth can handle.

Mothra wings the shit out of Godzilla!
About Marty 86 Articles
Hollywood screenwriter, reformed attorney and worshiper of the tiny princesses on Monster Island. Became a nerd as a child, thanks to lack of athletic ability, which turned me on to fantasy novels, scifi movies, and not having girlfriends. Favorite projects I've worked on as writer - adapting BBC SILK for the U.S., the Japanese anime BLACKJACK and currently my passion project, PANDORA. Soon to be a major comic book.
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