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Propaganda put out by Friday’s marketing machine to promote alcoholism.

That’s right.  I got a problem with Friday.  It’s a very over-rated day.

Whole fucking week … everyone can’t wait till Friday.  Whether you’re in a corner office or a cubicle, you spend the whole week all gunned up for Friday.  Just make it to Friday, and then all your miserable, trivial problems will be gone.  Even people without jobs want Friday to arrive … which makes no fucking sense!

Then Friday shows up, and it’s basically just Monday with a different name, only your programming is so fucked up, you think it’s not.  You think it’s Monday with magic dust, where the whole Universe is wonderful … just cause the day is called Friday.

But Friday has no magic dust.  It has no magic.  It has anti-magic, cause it tricks you into thinking that it’s the happiest day – when it’s really the worst.  Here are a few quick examples why …

People are fired on Fridays.

You can’t eat meat on Friday.  Sometimes.  For some people.

The NFL never has games on Friday.

Golfers are cut on Friday.

People switch bodies on Friday.  See FREAKY FRIDAY.  Actually don’t.

Jesus got killed on a Friday.  Thanks Friday.

For families, it marks the beginning of the weekend, which means nobody has an excuse to be away from anyone else.  Super.  The result?  Siblings fight.  Spouses bicker.   All of this results in domestic violence.  And nobody likes domestic violence.  No, wait, one thing does.  Friday!

Friday hates education.  Cause you know what happens in schools on Friday?  Kids don’t pay attention.  Cause they’re so fucking pumped up it’s Friday.  Cause Friday is evil crack cocaine.  And soon there will be no engineers in the world.  We’re 20,000 Fridays away from the Dark Ages.

People drink too much on Fridays, making them hungover on Saturday.  And Saturday is the best fucking day.  Saturday is the mortal enemy of Friday.

Fucking Friday.

Then there’s the whole Friday the 13th curse.  The one day the Devil can kill you, and yup, it’s Friday.  The Devil LOVES Friday.

What else is fucked up about Friday?  Oh yeah.  Robinson Crusoe’s slave was named Friday – and yes, Robinson Crusoe had a slave, that was no “friend.”  White guys in the 18th century didn’t befriend “non-whites,” who they then force to build them shit, and then turn into a volleyball.  At least in the Tom Hanks version.  From what I recall.

Robinson Crusoe hanging out with his “buddy” Friday, shortly before turning him into a volleyball.

And who’s fault is this?  Friday!  Cause Friday is such a fucked up day, that it is pro-slavery!

Click this to see what cats think of Friday.


About Marty 86 Articles
Hollywood screenwriter, reformed attorney and worshiper of the tiny princesses on Monster Island. Became a nerd as a child, thanks to lack of athletic ability, which turned me on to fantasy novels, scifi movies, and not having girlfriends. Favorite projects I've worked on as writer - adapting BBC SILK for the U.S., the Japanese anime BLACKJACK and currently my passion project, PANDORA. Soon to be a major comic book.
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