It’s always darkest before the dawn. And also right after Mom drinks her third Gin.
Every Cialis commercial ends with the man and woman side by side in outdoor bathtubs. Does Cialis make your dick eight feet long?
A bird in hand is better than two in the bush. Unless the bird in your hand is the Zombie corpse of Senator Robert Byrd, in which case you’re about to die a horrible, hillbilly zombie death.
Once you go black, you never go back. That’s it. No joke. It’s true. So I’ve been told.
I’ve never understood the concept of one for the road. Successful drunk driving requires at least three in-car drinks.
All that we see or seem is but a dream in a dream. Okay Edgar Allen Poe, but why haven’t I had a wet dream in 11 years, 2 months, 11 days, and 134 minutes? And counting …
Fat men not driving around in scooters have very well-developed calves.
Time is relative, my relative. Actually, it’s a guy named Steve’s relative. Steve said that in High School, and I didn’t get the joke till 1998. Apparently Steve’s a Time Lord. Like Doctor Who.
Watched a show the other day called Storage Wars. Greedy people bid to buy the storage lockers of unfortunate souls who couldn’t pay the storage fees, and lost all of their possessions. I’d like a show where you bid on the greedy people who buy the lockers. And then you put them in a storage locker. Lock it. And leave. Forever.
God loves drunks. And babies. But not this dude I met yesterday at Barnes and Noble. Terrible story. Guess he’s too old. And sober. God’s very specific.