That’s right. I’m doing a Fall TV preview. Just like the big boys! EW, eat your heart out. HITFIX can’t touch this. Hollywood Reporter … go report on being schooled!
What are my qualifications? I watch TV. A lot. And I’m really good at it. I am. I pay attention. I don’t miss any dialogue, no matter how poorly written or delivered. And I’m very snarky. All of which makes me a perfect critic.
That said, there is a lot of TV about to start, so this week I will only review shows that start with … the letter R. Because that’s the first letter in “review,” which is what this post is about. And that is how I think.
So let’s get started with … REVOLUTION!
PLOT: World loses power and hot young people with bows take over.
Is this plausible? No. Thanks to THE ROAD WARRIOR, we all know that in a post-apocalypse world, everybody turns into a filthy, toothless Aussie. It’s a fact.
But this is television, and who wants to see some disgusting, Fosters’ drinking, Mel Gibson wannabe? Not the producers of REVOLUTION. Because grooming is everything in NBC’s look at the future. And obviously Banana Republic is still open.
And … I got no problem with that. Cause when I’m unwinding with a bottle of wine, and network television, I want fun plots, pressed shirts and eye candy! And maybe more wine.
Which is why REVOLUTION … gets 4 Asparagi!
REVENGE. Season 2.
PLOT: Hot rich white chick with evil eyebrows gets revenge against rich white people for ruining her rich white life.
And it’s awesome. Everybody’s drinking, and shooting daggers at each other, and walking to different awesome parts of their gigantic awesome houses while lying through their perfect teeth. In the Hamptons! Come on! What else do you need in a television experience? Absolutely nothing. And it pairs perfectly with a vodka Martinis. Two to be precise.
Let’s see … what other shows start with an R?
The River! Oh, cancelled.
Wait, there was that Buffy show … Ringer. Ah, also cancelled. Who cancels Buffy? Lame.
Need to find a show on the air with an R. Looking it up online and … found one!
RULES OF ENGAGEMENT.
PLOT: I have no fucking idea what this show is about.
Next week. The letter S.