The press is declaring a dead heat in the polls, as the literal definition of polar opposites Hillary and The Donald prepare to debate the future of America’s great decline. While most of us would like to see a serious, informative debate that presents the candidates views on the very important issues, there is one odious group that is praying for sheer anarchy. Hoping that Jennifer Flowers makes love to Mark Cuban in the first row right before a commercial break. Who are these horrific people? The 24/7 Press, of course. Wolf Blitzer makes his Bloody Mary’s using baby’s blood. These vampires literally pray for kids to be trapped inside runaway balloons so they can bring on a panel to discuss the splatter pattern when the kid tumbles. True evil… and they really want the first debate to be a nation-splitting “S” show. So here are the ten things that Anderson Cooper, Megan Kelly and all of their ghoulish colleagues are praying will go down on Monday night…
To show his support for law enforcement, Donald Trump shoots the black kid from Stranger Things.
America can suddenly hear Hillary Clinton’s thoughts as she mentally undresses Ben Carson in the audience.
When Trump is pressed on why he won’t release his taxes, Chris Christie takes off his shirt and does the Chris Farley Chippendales’ dance.
Hillary confesses to being the grand-daughter of Mao.
Donald admits he doesn’t give a shit about anyone not named Donald Trump.
Hillary’s makeup person is late for the debate, exposing her Night Goblin heritage.
Trump enters the debate on Putin’s horse.
To prove she won’t repeal the Second Amendment, Hillary takes out her Glock and shoots the toothless kid from Stranger Things.