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Ramblings’ Not At The Polls: The First Big Debate!

The press is declaring a dead heat in the polls, as the literal definition of polar opposites Hillary and The Donald prepare to debate the future of America’s great decline. While most of us would like to see a serious, informative debate that presents the candidates views on the very important issues, there is one odious group that is praying for sheer anarchy. Hoping that Jennifer Flowers makes love to Mark Cuban in the first row right before a commercial break. Who are these horrific people? The 24/7 Press, of course. Wolf Blitzer makes his Bloody Mary’s using baby’s blood. These vampires literally pray for kids to be trapped inside runaway balloons so they can bring on a panel to discuss the splatter pattern when the kid tumbles. True evil… and they really want the first debate to be a  nation-splitting “S” show. So here are the ten things that Anderson Cooper, Megan Kelly and all of their ghoulish colleagues are praying will go down on Monday night…

To show his support for law enforcement, Donald Trump shoots the black kid from Stranger Things.

Trump swears the kid was armed with a slingshot and 20 sided dice.
Trump swears the kid was armed with a slingshot and 20 sided dice.

America can suddenly hear Hillary Clinton’s thoughts as she mentally undresses Ben Carson in the audience.

You can separate my siamese twins anytime, you crazy sexy bastard.
You can separate my Siamese twins anytime, you crazy sexy bastard.

When Trump is pressed on why he won’t release his taxes, Chris Christie takes off his shirt and does the  Chris Farley Chippendales’ dance.

xxxx
People on the beach in Lavallette, check out these guns.

Hillary confesses to being the grand-daughter of Mao.

She is way hotter than the Supreme Leader.
She is way hotter than the Supreme Leader.

Donald admits he doesn’t give a shit about anyone not named Donald Trump.

"Okay, you got me. None of my policies will help but... to be totally honest, I don't give a shit about any of you. I really don't."
“Okay, you got me. None of my policies will help but… to be totally honest, I don’t give a shit about any of you. I really don’t.”

Hillary’s makeup person is late for the debate, exposing her Night Goblin heritage.

That's right Donald... I'm about to eat your tiny brain.
That’s right Donald… I’m about to eat your tiny brain.

Trump enters the debate on Putin’s horse.

Bet you didn't know I had abs, America.
I really think this one might happen.

To prove she won’t repeal the Second Amendment, Hillary takes out her Glock and shoots the toothless kid from Stranger Things.

A spell of protection won't protect you from this baby, kid.
A spell of protection won’t protect you from this baby, you gummy freak.
About Marty 85 Articles
Hollywood screenwriter, reformed attorney and worshiper of the tiny princesses on Monster Island. Became a nerd as a child, thanks to lack of athletic ability, which turned me on to fantasy novels, scifi movies, and not having girlfriends. Favorite projects I've worked on as writer - adapting BBC SILK for the U.S., the Japanese anime BLACKJACK and currently my passion project, PANDORA. Soon to be a major comic book.
Contact: Website

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