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Ramblings’ Not on my TV: EMMY NOMS.

Money’s been exchanged, payments made… and the Emmy Nominations are out! Is it me or was every show, crappy or not, nominated for at least some minor award? Look, I know there are lots of articles about snubs, etc, but that’s just in the top categories. And most of the snubs were against Jane the Virgin, who apparently lost traction after it was discovered that Jane’s not a virgin – and that she’s Latina. What I’m ranting about are the oddball, often awful shows that got noms. Think I’m nuts. Here are some examples:

I wonder where they will put their Emmys?
I wonder where they will put their Emmys?

Naked and Afraid. From what I understand, this is a reality show where in exchange for perceived fame, moronic people are stripped of their clothing, then left alone in an uninhabited area, which frightens them – despite being trailed by a full camera crew and craft services. Okay. Unless hot people are in this show, and most of them die horrific deaths, preferably from bears or wolves, no interest. If I want naked violence, I’ll go online, thank you. Just type “naked” and “violence’ and watch what pops up. Somebody was bribed on this one. Next…

This fat guy was the best part of Marco Polo. He better be the nominee!
This fat guy was the best part of Marco Polo. He was nominated for most square footage of clothing.

Marco Polo. Now this show I can speak for with authority, given I watched every miserable minute of the series… and enjoyed it. It was awesomely terrible! I don’t know where the hell they shot it or from what country’s strip clubs they found their cast, but everybody had a weird accent, the performances were terrible and the story completely untrackable. Making me very happy, as I shut my brain off for shows like this. But should it be nominated for an Emmy? Hell no. Pretty sure the producers shoot porn and this series was a tax write off in Romania. Next…

The winner for best cuddle scene...
The winner for best cuddle scene…

Too Cute! I have no idea what the fuck this show is, nor will I even google it to find out. Assuming footage of cats. So confused. Next…

Kate Winslet not moving her ass over on the raft is not a myth, but bad manners.
Kate Winslet not moving her ass over on the raft is not a myth, but bad manners.

Mythbusters. I watched this show one time, expecting to see Zeus, but no… two lumbersexuals basically do science experiments. One episode involved debunking the scene in Titanic where Kate Winslet wont move her big ass over on the raft.  Ah, excuse me, Kate being a selfish bitch is not a myth, but an annoying movie scene, that still pisses me off. Let Leo on! He was so good in that movie. And give him a God damn Oscar.  Point is, myths involve gods and monsters, not urban legends or popular misconceptions. Their next episode should debunk the “myth” that blowjobs don’t get Emmy nominations. Next…

HOW MURRAY SAVED CHRISTMAS -- Pictured: (l-r) Edison Elf, Murray -- (Photo by: NBC) Murray pics HOW MURRAY SAVED CHRISTMAS -- (Photo by: NBC)
I told you to pee before we left Canters you putz!

How Murray Saved Christmas. Did not see this, as I was drunk the entire holiday season, but I’m guessin’ a Jewish fellow named Murray saves Santa or something. I don’t know why, given that I was told that Santa doesn’t give Jewish kids presents, but maybe Murray’s just a real mensch. If that’s the case, I’m good with Murray and his nom. Mazel.

Pretty sure only one brother is "Mom's Favorite."
Pretty sure only one brother is “Mom’s Favorite.”

Wahlburgers. This is the show about Mark, his less famous brother Donny, and a third, presumably very bitter, not very talented, yet insufferable brother. My only comment about this is that I feel that Mark needs more exposure. It’s been ten seconds since I last saw his face or heard what a good producer he is… That said, given this nomination, Mark obviously knows his business.

About Marty 84 Articles
Hollywood screenwriter, reformed attorney and worshiper of the tiny princesses on Monster Island. Became a nerd as a child, thanks to lack of athletic ability, which turned me on to fantasy novels, scifi movies, and not having girlfriends. Favorite projects I've worked on as writer - adapting BBC SILK for the U.S., the Japanese anime BLACKJACK and currently my passion project, PANDORA. Soon to be a major comic book.
Contact: Website

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