It occurred to me this morning as I sat watching Kathy Lee drink her third glass of wine on network television, that in an effort to find my Voice – and I do mean Voice with a capital V – that I have lowered this Blog to poop jokes and cruel shots at dancing Deadheads. Is that my Voice with a capital V? No. I am classically educated. I still have the student loans to prove it! So, I’ve decided to make Wednesday about deep thought and contemplation. About philosophy. About the Socratic method. And I’ve invited a fellow scholar, also classically educated (but from a lesser College), who we’ll call For-stotle, to engage me in an oppositional discussion.
Our Proposition is the Socrates classic: “The Unexamined Life is not worth living.” Forstotle will defend Socrates’ famous statement. While I – Martystophanes – will challenge the great Socrates. We actually had this debate, and recorded it, which I will share with all of you. Prepare to have your mind’s stimulated!
Forstotle (hereafter F): The unexamined life is not worth living.
Martystophanes (hereafter M): That’s it? You’re just repeating the proposition?
F: Yes. That’s how you start a Socratic debate.
M: Says who?
M: And you know that how?
F: Because when I went to college, I actually read.
M: What does that mean?
F: You know exactly what that means.
M: I don’t think you want to go there.
F: I’m going there. You barely remember college.
M: I’m warning you.
F: What was the name of the library again at Georgetown? The Pub.
M: At least I wasn’t a stalker. Did they ever find the body?
F: She loved me!
M: Nobody has ever loved you. Your wife is only still with you because of the children.
F: You’re overweight. At your age it’s not healthy … and disgusting.
M: That really hurts me! You know I’ve been dieting.
F: Sauvignon Blanc is not a diet.
M: You ruined my wedding.
F: Here we go! Always back to the toast. I knew this whole stupid blog debate thing was gonna lead to this!
M: You don’t tell 130 guests that the groom had a nose job. Twice!
F: Fuck you, fake nose!
M: I hope you die.
F: I hope you get turned into a vampire, and sealed in an iron coffin that is dropped in a bottomless trench in the ocean for eternity. And you eat yourself, fatso.
M: Is there unlimited wine in the coffin?
M: Sounds pleasant.
F: Kinda does.
M: I think I feel smarter after this debate. Using the mind is good.
F: Me too. We should exercise our intellects more often.
M: I agree. Have a good week!
F: You too, bro!