Really? Putting a fake “Orca” in a harbor to scare off cute Sea Lions? That’s really being discussed, funded, implemented by town officials. Now I realize that the pro-fake-Orca crew will cite how badly the Sea Lions smell, how they constantly honk on their circus horns, the hundreds of pounds of Sea Lion poop everywhere but… surely you could come up with a better plan than… fake Orca. Right?
In the interest of responding to their razor-sharp retort of, “Well, do you have a better idea?”, here are some better ideas.
FAKE BATTLESHIP POTEMKIN. Nothing frightens large mammals like the last vestiges of Tsarist military power.
FAKE POOP. The cheapest option, as the town elders merely have to toss a Baby Ruth into the harbor. Now I know the haters are saying, the Sea Lions won’t care, because there is already Sea Lion poop in the harbor… but it’s not “their” poop, which makes it disgusting. That’s the big difference. Poop is highly subjective.
FAKE JUSTIN BIEBER. Sea Lions inexplicably are terrified of the tattooed pop star.