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Sorry that Ramblings has not been too active in 2013 … but the New Year hasn’t been that active either.  As in … a lot of nonsense going on. Non-stories, recycled stories, or just plain dumb-ass stories.  Let’s take a look.

We had an inauguration!  Granted it was a second term inauguration which isn’t as big a deal but … still should have been a fun event.   Only, the giant story out of it is Beyoncé lip synching.  Wolf Blitzer reporting this outrage with his typical deadpan, soul-less delivery, trying to convince us that we should be interested/concerned/upset/ecstatic over such mundane crap.  Who gives a shit if she did her own singing?  We’re a sneeze away from a Depression, and the Middle East is invading Africa.  Not to mention that China is going green.  Crazy, right?  Wrong.  Beyoncé deciding to rest her beautiful pipes in the cold is far more important … at least according to 2013.

Beyoncé not singing whatever songs it is that she doesn’t actually sing.

We had a BCS National Championship game … and I honestly don’t know who won, because the only thing being reported is that some dude, Manti Te’o, on Notre Dame, who wasn’t the QB, had a fake Samoan girlfriend, who supposedly was dying, but didn’t die, but didn’t actually exist, because it was all a prank about cancer done up by another Samoan guy, King Tiki Tiki … blah blah blah.  This story belongs on News of the Weird, or on Hawaiian local access.  Stop reporting it!  Once again, the moron wasn’t even the QB, so who cares!  And his team lost.  I really did know who won, by the way.  That said, Te’o Dumbo would make a nice addition to the Jets defense.  Rex Ryan loves morons.  They speak his language.

Where does my girlfriend live? Ah … Canada?

What else has 2013 brought us?  Let’s see … 49ers  in Superbowl playing … Ravens?   Ravens are old.  Moses old!  Unless Ray Lewis shows up wearing his murder suit, I think it’ll be a one sided, 49ers affair.

I think that’s about it.  No, wait.  Lance Armstrong confesses … about something he did years ago, that we all know he did, even when he claimed he didn’t do it.  What a jerk.  Stop putting the guy on the screen.  Unless he does something awful, and new.  But that ain’t happening in 2013.

Either I’m breaking out from all the lying, or the steroids are expanding my neck. And who cares.

Oscars is a story.  Some big  Best Director snubs.  Tarantino, Bigelow, Ben Affleck.  I was very worked up about the inexcusable omissions when I first heard … then I remembered that all of the Directors are pampered, narcissistic millionaires.  Boo hoo you big babies.  Next story.

Ben Affleck coping with horrible news of his Oscar snub.

But there really isn’t an interesting tale in 2013.

Hold it.  Got one.  Gerard Depardieu becomes Russian citizen to avoid French taxes.  So obese actor, who hasn’t had a hit since Greencard — I don’t count Frenchie films — wants to leave socialist country for … socialist country?  Okay, that’s a pretty hilarious tale … that belongs on page 14 of a local rag.  Let’s keep moving.

Ever see gout on a nose?

Come on 2013!   Gimme something to work with … a sex scandal at least.

Or a big celebrity affair!  But so far … no.  Though the pool boy has been coming on Tuesdays …  and I don’t own a pool.  Where’s my wife?!

About Marty 86 Articles
Hollywood screenwriter, reformed attorney and worshiper of the tiny princesses on Monster Island. Became a nerd as a child, thanks to lack of athletic ability, which turned me on to fantasy novels, scifi movies, and not having girlfriends. Favorite projects I've worked on as writer - adapting BBC SILK for the U.S., the Japanese anime BLACKJACK and currently my passion project, PANDORA. Soon to be a major comic book.
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