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WARP SPEED WEDNESDAY. NASA.

I saw on CNN today that NASA was retiring the Space Shuttle Endeavor, as they cut to a shot of the clumsy looking space craft, airborne, humping a much cooler looking 747.  And my first thought was, who cares.  I mean, what did the Shuttle program ever get us?  Space walks?   Placing trillion dollar broken telescopes in orbit?  Free lifts for do-nothing Russian Cosmonauts headed to the soon to fall to the Earth International Space Station?

Lazy Cosmonaut freeloading on Shuttle.

So, knowing that many people oppose all of the resources that this country invests in NASA, I for a moment agreed with these space haters.  Until I realized … we can never give up on NASA.  Never!  Ever!  Even if we have to sell a State to fund NASA.  And there are a few States that nobody would miss.  We all know it.  You really do.

Because, NASA can never be abandoned.  It should be our number one National priority.  Number one!  Because, NASA represents dreams.  NASA represents pure human aspiration.  And, most important, NASA represents … the stars.

BATTLESTARS that is!

Top secret specs for a Battlestar.

You heard me.  Battlestars.  Big ass space-faring warships, the size of a small island, flying through the Universe, and being totally awesome.

I know some of you may be like, what?  What the hell is he talking about?  Who needs Battlestars?  We have people that need work in this country.  Poverty exists.  Diseases need to be conquered.

My response is … wake up people!  Cylons!  They want us fucking dead!  It is their number one programmed priority.  Hello, they totally fragged the 13 Colonies of Kobol with nukes.

Tauron being fragged by Cylons. You will be avenged Taurons!

And our only hope is the Battlestar Galactica.  Which of course I realize doesn’t exist … but that doesn’t mean we can’t build one.

Or should I say … NASA can build one.

Sure, there technically aren’t Cylons … yet.  But, you gotta admit, they could show up.  I mean, the Japanese are making robots right now.  They call them toys … but … we know where they’re headed.

Making the need for a gigantic Battlestar fleet more important than ever.  Mankind’s survival depends on it.  We should also start training Battlestar Admirals too … because Edward James Olmos ain’t getting any younger.

Edward James Olmos is a proponent of Battlestars.

Begging the question … what should we do with our Battlestar fleet until the Cylon threat materializes.  Apart from blowing up all of France’s satellites.

The answer, my people, is obvious.

Use them to attack the Moon.  Fuck you Moon.

Battlestar Galactica attacking the hated Moon.

 

About Marty 85 Articles
Hollywood screenwriter, reformed attorney and worshiper of the tiny princesses on Monster Island. Became a nerd as a child, thanks to lack of athletic ability, which turned me on to fantasy novels, scifi movies, and not having girlfriends. Favorite projects I've worked on as writer - adapting BBC SILK for the U.S., the Japanese anime BLACKJACK and currently my passion project, PANDORA. Soon to be a major comic book.
Contact: Website

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