Observations from a car wash.

Crazy people are hard to sneak up on.

Never kill the messenger. It may be your wine club delivery.

As a general rule, the homeless know how to party.

Opthamologists are different from Optometrists … or so they say.

The Bruthas are good at fighting terrorists. And snakes on planes.

Med Alert is a great, life saving device … unless you have AT&T service.

They should have NFL games on Tuesday … and maybe Wednesday.

Funerals can be pleasant if you hate the dead person.

Statistics have shown that asians, women, and drunks are all poor drivers. Yet, ironically, statistically, drunk asian women are pretty safe on the road.

You should always admit to someone when you’re wrong. Then you should tell them you fucked their sister. Which in theory is also wrong.

If Sports is the opiate of the masses, Poetry is the opiate of pretentious asses.

Incest is subjective. See also hot alcoholic relatives.

47 million Americans believe in Bigfoot. I believe they are clearly idiots. That said, I will never hike in the Pacific Northwest.

High Def is the most important invention since the wheel. The roulette wheel.

Without the passing down of history, we are finite, doomed apes. History is good.